Courtney Kelly is a licensed professional engineer based in Dallas, Texas. For the past ten years, she has applied her degree in civil engineering (as well as her MBA) to a career in construction management which includes the oversight of heavy civil infrastructure projects. She joined Negotiate Anything to share how professionals can overcome the most difficult conversations in business through successful relationship-building and mindset shifts.

Strong Relationships Lead to Better Business

As one would imagine, in the world of construction, there are endless opportunities for difficult conversations to arise. With numerous stakeholders working in a fast-paced environment, effective communication and conflict management skills are a must for doing business in this industry.

To see more success in the business interactions, Kelly encourages professionals to focus on building solid relationships first, before any needs, or even potential conflicts, are on the table.

“It actually starts well before we ever win a project,” she explained. “We’re trying to build relationships with all of those future stakeholders when there isn’t really an immediate return on investment. That starts with trying to get to know somebody on a personal level.”

Oftentimes, Kelly’s main focus is on developing a friendship, having learned that increased trust leads to a more resilient relationship in the face of conflict.

She continued, “If you’re friends with someone it’s easier to get through some of those harder times together than if you’re talking to a stranger.”

While simple, it will be important to focus on building a friendship authentically and in the appropriate timing – when there is no obvious gain. Otherwise, attempts to do so while a deal is on the table may appear disingenuous and have the opposite effect.

Developing a Confident Mindset

Even if a positive relationship has been established, conflict or disagreement can still be uncomfortable. This is where a shift in mindset becomes important. Over the course of her career, Kelly has learned that these oftentimes these difficult conversations can be easier than we expect.

Where she used to feel like all conflict meant preparing for battle, she has come to not only accept conflict as part of the process, but focus on what her counterpart is after.

“The quicker that I am able to figure out what is the motivating factor behind their decision making and demeanor, the quicker I can realize how I will need to pivot or change my strategy,” Kelly explained.

Shifting focus from the fear of the impending conflict to identifying a motivating factor requires the use of some emotional intelligence. For Kelly, it comes down to picking up on verbal and non-verbal cues, which is why she recommends in-person meetings where possible.

“If we can have a face to face conversation, I’m picking up on clues from that person,” she explained. “I really try to use emotional intelligence to get a better understanding of what that person is getting at.”

Kelly advises that oftentimes, it will be fairly easy to identify when things begin to move off-track. She recommends listening for specific feedback like a sense of anxiousness or hesitancy when certain items are mentioned, but also encourages listeners to be mindful of when they aren’t getting the results or response they are looking for.

From here, Kelly believes that remaining proactive is the best approach.

“Part of it is understanding a person, part of it is understanding a situation and being more reactive sooner than letting it kind of play out,” she shared “because usually it’s not going to play out in your favor as well if you don’t get to the problem quickly and try to resolve it.”

The Spotted Unicorn

As one of the few Black women in construction management, Kelly is familiar with the additional stressors that can come as a result of being a minority identity engaging in difficult business conversations.

“I call myself a spotted unicorn because I’m a Black woman and there just aren’t that many of us in the work that I do,” she explained.

For those in similar positions, this can often mean feeling unheard or not being taken seriously in your position. This can become extremely demoralizing, and prevent professionals from fulfilling their complete potential in a role.

For Kelly, it comes down to confidence.

“I kind of came up with this mindset that whatever room I walk into – that’s my territory,” she stated. “There is no door that can be kept closed for me and I really try to live into that.”

While this may be difficult at first, Kelly believes that even the most difficult people can eventually come around.

“Sometimes people don’t want to accept me,” she shared. “I will go into a meeting and they don’t make eye contact – but those people eventually come around.”

To learn more about Courtney Kelly visit www.courtneykelleybooks.com. To listen to the full episode, click here.