DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN WRITTEN FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY; ANY ATHLETIC WISDOM OR INSIGHT OR KNOWLEDGEABILITY THEREIN, NOT DIRECTLY QUOTED BY MY COLLEAGUES, IS NOT ONLY PURELY ACCIDENTAL BUT UNFORTUNATE.
Dear Bores From Waco,
Oh how I love irony. At the beginning of this season, you were projected to be the best of the Big 12, contenders for a possible place in the College Football Playoff, and we, neglected UnderFrogs, fortunate to manage a winning season, if nothing else.
And I, the guy who knows nothing, who could not tell you the difference between a “guard” and a “tackle” beyond the obvious assumption that a “guard” guards something and a “tackle” tackles something else, saw right through it. I predicted we would go undefeated, and you would lose every game you played.
Unfortunately, the latter prophecy did not quite materialize as planned.
Nevertheless, one month after we invaded McLane Stadium and defeated you in one of the grandest upsets the Big 12 has witnessed, the Amon Carter will now host you, not in your revenge game against us, but against Air Force at the–you got it!–Armed Forces Bowl. In 20-degree weather. Against a team from Colorado. Who has lost three games, against your six. And I wonder which team will compel the sympathies of those watching a game with a name like that?
Pardon me if I suggest that’s like something straight out of a Chevy Chase movie. Merry Christmas. Kiss all the asses. And Happy Hanukkah.
Having said all that, schadenfreude not being in my view a virtue and gloating over a defeated opponent a bad look, I will send you some measure of respect in mentioning only you could inspire such writing from me. Such is your genius for bringing out the absolute worst in people.
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Anyway, it’s my birthday, I had an article due, and here I am, writing about Baylor, and I’m dying of beardom.
A guy gets his fun where he can.
P.S., One of your own guys found me on Twitter–that infernal cesspool–and promised me you were going to upset our CFP plans. Where is he, I wonder? If you find him, tell him I said hello. 29-28, baby. 29-28.
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